Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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