My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize