I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
