I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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