thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am one with the molecules
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize