Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
