Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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