She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
