I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
