i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
