omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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