she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
