she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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