is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
