it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
