I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
