first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
