im having a threesome with these popsicles
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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