help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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