I cannot find my penis.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
