Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
