Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
