I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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