You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
