We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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