Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
