His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
