just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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