you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
