i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
