so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
