I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize