I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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