How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
