i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
