after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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