Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
