this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
