fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
