It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
