she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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