I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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