So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
