Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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