I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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