Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
