by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no you cant smoke seaweed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
