how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
