I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
