Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
