She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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