I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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