....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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