I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
