I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
