Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
