my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
