absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
