nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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