If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
