ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
