I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
